In sickness and in health

I bet you are wondering why I am bringing that up. Well, Mike and I celebrated our 10 year anniversary yesterday (not to be out done by the fact that we have been together for 16+ years). SO I started thinking about those vows and what they truly mean and I focused on the one that have hit closest to home. I wonder if many people really think about that vow and the other ones until it affects them. I wonder if Mike thinks back to the day he officially said I do and ponders the effects of that vow. I often wonder if Mike truly understood what he was getting into when he said I do. One would never think on the happiest day of their life (well second to the birth of Hannah) that those words would ring VERY loudly in his ears. I wonder if he looks at me now and doesn't see that healthy person who said I do right back. now don't get me wrong, he gets glimpses of that girl every now and then, but they are few are far between.
I don't reflect on this that often cause it makes me very sad but I would be stupid not to acknowledge that these diseases have had on my marriage and where it started out and where it is today. I also am truly grateful for that fact that he does take that vow seriously and has stuck by now matter how hard, scary and just plain outright unfair this journey has been.

So on your anniversary -- take a look back and ponder and then move on, cause today is a new day on that journey.

Love this picture

Joseph has been using this as his AOL IM icon and I love it. Those looks just say so much.

Thinks have been a little crazy at work and home. Starting some new painting projects, finished the deck for my garden shed and purchased all of Hannah's back to school items this weekend. She has had a busy weekend herself, with Alyssa and then three days with her friend Jordyn. I finally sent her to camp today and she was not happy. She is just tired. She is going out with her grandparents tonight and I don't think she has much energy to do anything but eat dinner.

In a little over a month, Hannah begins her final year at Four Seasons. She will be in the fifth grade. I can't believe it. Oh how the time flies. She had a blast picking out her stuff for school.. first pick on everything including a great skull messenger bag (pink of course).

She has been invited to do a couple over nighters with various folks (out of town trips) and she says she really doesn't want to do them. She is changing and deciding for herself what she wants to do and stick to her guns.

The last two weeks before school she will be spending a few days a week with Alyssa and her mom and she is content to do just that.

The dogs are good, a handful per usual but man do we love them. Like right now they are fighting over a turtle when there are like 100 other toys. Brothers.. jeez.

Zoe is not behaving like herself... very bitchy (more so then usual) but I am determined to not let her get the best of me (yet).

That's the update for this week ....

lovely..

Diesel
Ripley

So a little update on the family.

Diesel gave his third successful blood donation and they a say he is already a pro!! I went pick him up early and we were leaving the back when I spotted a rather large golden ret. My gut said keep going because Diesel gets very "funny" around other dogs. But funny I mean --very aggressive. As I hesitated, the lady was talking to him as I was trying to get him to sit (he seemed fine, tail wagging and curiously sniffing the air) I told her that I was not sure cause he can be odd with other dogs, but she wanted to socialize. So i gave in, and let him get closer. Well, he was doing fine and then all of a sudden Diesel turned into Cujo and went CRAZY. It took all my strength to get that dog to back down and move to the other side so he would not bite the dog or the owner. SO i sat him down and apologized and was talking to her about Ripley when he went off again. All the vet techs came running to the front to see what is going on -- and was shocked to see Diesel flipping out. So the bottom line is that i have a closet cujo and need to work on another crappy aspect of his personality.

Ripley is doing fine. Happy, silly and thickheaded!!! He is finally over his stomach ailment and back to happily eating everything in the yard!!! He is starting to get really close with Hannah and constantly looking for her and playing with her. He also is going to lay with her more and more. I hope when I get Hannah a big bed that he will sleep with her. Even though it will break my heart not to have him with me, she has always wanted a dog to sleep with her....

Mike is good. He spent the majority of the weekend building a new deck for my garden shed with rails. It is fab!! He is very pleased with his work. Though, since NCAA09 came out, I think I have lost my handy man for a while...

I am doing ok. I think I have settled into a non-caring mode, which tends to lead to my self destructive side and that is not good. I don't think my HUGE dose of VD is doing anything. I have struggled to actually walk everyday. The mornings are becoming more and more difficult and the drive into work is killing me. I hurt so bad by the time I get out of the car and my legs just refuse to do what I need them to do. I find myself laying down more and more. The pain patches have come in handy but cause so many questions at work and odd stares. I wish they could make this patches in body suit :) My doctor is requiring me to come in more often which is ticking me off cause I don't like going because I am getting those "your test results are abnormal" letters in the mail again and they remind me that my diseases are not slowing down-- they are aggressively moving forward and tapping some new places.
I am just plain tired in a lot pain, which sadly is becoming my norm again.

Ok, apparently I can't

stop doing this blog. I was thinking (again) of retiring this little area and step away for a while. So I got some push back and decided I would do it a little while longer. Things have been ok lately. My ego took a huge blow the other day when I did not get a job that I was in the running for -- and it only took 8 months, 12 interviews and some unethical shit to get that phone call.

All those feelings that I had from last year and getting displaced came flooding back and I had to really work hard at not letting myself get down about this one. Looking back, I should have known from the crazy process, the stupid number of interviews, the double cross and non communication that this probably was not the job for me. But I needed to finish the process, I am not a quitter and I had to learn something out of this whole crazy mess. I learned that I have an amazing husband that totally understands and respects me, friends that will hang by my side through thick and thin(I actually think one of them might kill folks for me - or at least severely maim them). I also learned through this process that I need time to deal and move on and my friends so graciously allowed me that. They also are great for my ego -- if it was all up to them... they would hire my butt in a heartbeat and I love them for that. They are always good for a drink ( which I can't anymore since the lupus jumped up and got my kidneys) - so they need to figure out another good treat for me ( hint -- food). And most of all they listen, wipe my tears and tell me I am better off...

Thanks Nicole, Kate, Mark, Joseph, David and most of all Mike --- you are some really great friends... now get off your ass and get me a new job!!! SMILE!

Movie Time

IMG_4260, originally uploaded by hdsmom.

Today was kinda blah here in gambrills. So Mike and I decided to catch up on our movie collection that we have not watched. We watched : Fool's Gold, Vantage Point and There will be blood. The last one was REALLY GOOD. The other two were not bad. Anyway, I have one more day on my lazy vacation. Not bad, I really believe I have done a good job of relaxing and only had two really bad days (flare up). Hannah starts camp tomorrow and she had a weekend full of Brandon. Always a pleasure having him here.
Ripley laid with me the whole time we watched movies and he is finally feeling better and should be off meds in the next few days.

Finally... VITAMIN D

the last time I went in for a check up (like every other day) - they tested my Vitamin D level. Well comes to find out I am way deficient (surprise), so I am on 50000 IU per week for a while. Apparently it is a common in folks with autoimmune diseases. Lucky me, it seems like every time I go, they find one more validation. Oh well, can't get down or blah about it. Just one more thing to remember to take on a non regular basis. Side note: I know the sun is a great source of Vitamin D, but I am not allowed to have it in large amounts (lupus) - so no fun with that.

Mike is working on a concrete job out front. Hannah is taking a shower and I am thinking of playing more on my new DS. Or a nap, that is what a vacation is good for -- a nap whenever you want!

Beautiful Day

IMG_4235, originally uploaded by hdsmom.

The rain last night brought in nice weather and by nice weather I mean no humidity and I have cracked a few windows open to get fresh air in the house. Hannah is off with her grandparents today and I think I might go shopping around.

Ripley has been sick since last night and I hope the meds Mike gave him kicked in real soon.

I can't believe it is July already!!