where did oct and nov go

me thinks i have a little whip lash from that. things been ok. i think my body is wearing down from the job. it can been really physical and on my feet all day and it just does not do this body good at all. i can never tell if is the lupus or the ra, but it hurts and it does not go away. it beats me down like a drum. constantly reminding me that yes, i have limitations and i am not adhering to the plan. don't have many choices in that realm. need a job. need a better job. need a better body. all dreams that seem so far away. i live thinking about the past and what did i do to deserve this, i will easily admit i was no angel but don't think i deserve this sentence.

i am a little down right now and having a hard time keeping it together, not sure what path to go on or how to ease the pain or the LOUD banging that is going on. decisions are limited and not the most ideal. but i have to do something soon or I will lose more then my sanity.

ok.. that's it for now. off to see a friend and hopefully i can keep it together because i don't talk about all this with anyone.