so these last SEVERAL days have been hard for me (as you can read). the health thing seems to be coming in to full view again and can't seem to recover. i try and try, but the stress from things happening at work are making that option seem impossible. I am not perfect by any means, but I do try and try really hard to make things work and make folks happy. but i have found myself in a situation that is almost impossible and i really don't have the energy or the right frame of mind to play those games. i am not good at letting others fail. because it my mind, i fail. i am trying to step back and let things happen and let the chips fall where they may, but it is hard. the emotional roller coaster is killing my insides and making my lovely disease wake up from its slumber. you see, stress is not good for anyone. but add a few autoimmune diseases to the mix and you are headed for trouble. and yet i know this and can't get out of the way. work is work. i was so loving my new work. i was so loving my new mentor. i was so on my way. and now i am not so sure about the new dynamics at work and how i will survive it. i am no longer that optimistic girl from earlier in my blog (years ago) after what i have seen and felt what this shit can do to me and others.
i still know i am good at my job, but i am not sure i will survive it. sad