3.25.2009

scared?

so it's my first full day since my decision to leave my job because of my health. several peeps have called to see how i was doing. this is what i know - i don't regret what i did. i could no longer handle the stress and all the other "extras" that came along with the job. i hope i can find something that fits me and my personality. i am glad i am not crying and hurting inside. i am relieved. but in the same breath, i am scared. i am scared because i don't have anything lined up. i am afraid of my insurance situation. i have pondered how i can make my medicine stretch. i am worried my husband can't handle this on top of dealing with a wife with lupus and ra. i am terrified of letting my daughter down. i am amazed that i had enough courage to make a change and not just put up with it.

i am trying to get my sense of self back. i lost myself over these past couple of months - no backbone, no self worth and constantly taking so much shit. it was (is) like i have been stuck on pause. i would like to hit the play button now and catch up. i would like to stop second guessing me and what i can do.

any suggestions?