so i finally made a change today. i realized over the last couple of weeks that certain signs were re-appearing concerning my lupus. the vasculitis was returning. the heart/chest pain was making a repeat performance. those are not a good sign. it means i do not have my disease under control even with the adjustments to the meds. i needed to get rid of the severe stress in my life, it was causing so many problems and serving no point, well except to make me very sick and depressed. it was mostly coming from work and I just could not do it anymore. it was one of the hardest decision ever because i am not a quitter and don't like giving up. but i needed to do it. i had to do it. i was turning into a miserable person, a terrible mom and a sad excuse for a wife.
i just could not bring myself to do it until i got a text and a phone call - one from a friend and one from my husband. i am so afraid of what is around that corner, finding a job in this economy is awful. i am hoping those who know me and my work with help me out in the category. i can hope. i have hope now.