ignorance is bliss

somedays i play that card better then others. mentally - any disease can take you down and make it impossible to get back up, then you have to deal with the financial blows that having a disease can cause. i try so hard to remain neutral to the whole ordeal and remain positive that things will eventually work out. today it kinda hit me like a brick wall. ok, more like a mack truck. i really do have to find a full time job and get things back on track some what.

that whole mess scares me. my ego took some huge hits with my last jobs. but i must get past that and move on, and i have to say that has been the hardest. opportunity would be nice. options would be nice. i am so tired of worrying. no amount of vitamin d or painkillers can take away that pain or guilt. i wish i did not have to worry so much and focus on important things: like living life to the fullest.

any suggestions might do me good.