sad girl

today was hard for me for some reason. more so emotionally then anything else. i got over the physical pain from yesterday's very long day. i really don't like to be alone and have been that way all day. still looking for that job that will fill my time and make me happy. i guess desperate is more like it.

i have been using my time with busy work, web work, part time gig (which i really enjoy) and other stuff. days like today make me really think about my disease and how at times i realize that i still have that denial that my diseases are real or that they will disappear as quickly as they appeared. i wonder if others feel that way. when does it really sink in and how do you learn accept that? i know i have it, but emotionally it plays tricks on me. i have found some comfort from reading blogs keeping up to date and twittering. sometimes i need a real person that understands, that is going through something very similar, then I think nah...

i have kept to myself, mostly out of need to deal and cope. god knows i miss folks, but this is a dark and difficult time that is far too much.

my med regime is made up of humira, methotrexate, plaquenil, folic acid, vitamin d, ultracet and the occasional steroid and painkiller. not bad considering what other folks in my same condition could be taking.

well enough of this venting, thanks for your time :)