11.07.2006

My Nana

passed away this morning. It was SOOOO difficult to hear my mother's heart breaking on the phone and then talking with my aunt. My Nana was such an important part of my life growing up -- she always was there for her grandchildren. Amazing lady -- tough lady. I have experienced death in various chapters of my life... in one year (my senior year) I lost my Pop-Pop, My best friend Chris and my boyfriend. It was the hardest year of my life and the year I became a very different person. I also started believing that god will never give you more then you can handle. You heard me refer to that back when I was dealing with Bay, Onyx and my illness and it is what gets me through - it is my reality check and I so believe in it. But still, my heart aches right now and the tears are still coming. I wish I had some words of wisdom for dealing with it, but every death and how you deal with it, is very different.

My husband is amazing! I called him right away and the first thing he wanted to do was come pick me up (I am rather an emotional person when it comes to family ) -- but I told him no --I would pull myself together and get home. It took me about two hours to get myself together and drive. He made it home shortly after I did, and I was glad not to be by myself. He got me some food and made sure I was feeling ok...

I am very glad that I have good peeps around me at work - because I got the call at work and I lost it and they were there for me. Kate told me to think about good things and maybe focus on the new puppy. So I told her I would call and check. I could not bring myself to call, but did email -- Gracie is due monday and I am still on the top of the list. So a brief smile from a really sad girl....
thanks guys and sorry for rambling