so no good news
mike spoke to Dr. Nancy today who then in turn spoke to an oncologist, pathologist and another vet and the consensus is the same: nothing can be done to rid this ick from his body. Chemo and radiation is not recommended but could be an option ( not good quality of life for his remaining time) just to try. Mike and I would do anything this dog, my baby -- but can not let him suffer for our need to keep him around longer.
I have cried everyday -- at random moments to try to get it all out but it does not stop. I try to separate this from work, but it is becoming harder and harder. I just can't seem to shake this overwhelming dread -- I am tired from not sleeping, I am hungry from not eating and generally not dealing well.
I thank god truely that I have a group of friends and family that understand how difficult this is and am soo thankful that they have reached out to me -- their words, their hugs and efforts to keep my spirits lifted have overwhelmed me and softened the hard exterior that I always put up to protect myself. I know, and they know, that I can't handle this like I think I can or should and they know this is going to hurt me more then I care to imagine. I only hope and pray I can ease the pain and show him that I can take care of him now when he needs me.