tuesday rolls around again

and I am tired, but what is new right. Hannah is doing her homework and eating her fast food and anxiously waiting to open the box that arrived this evening.
It's FLOAM that dad ordered for her. Scary. It figures that stuff comes when he works late. So school started Hannah on third grade reading and so far so good. She began reading "Freckle Juice" by Judy Blume. How funny, I remember reading ... "Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret"-as I am sure alot of you remember reading that one...bleck! I can't wait to see what other stuff they toss her way. Right now she really needs an attitude check -- she is becoming a wee bit too big for her britches. But hey -- she is an only child.

As for the dogs -- Onyx had a better night last nigt. We gave him some drugs to take the edge off (actually to knock him out) and get some sleep. He was pissed at me yesterday because I cleaned his ears and he did not like them. Zoe is Zoe -- I really can't say anymore about her ... prissy and bitchy.

Mike-- well that is a different story. It is amazing how time alone can hurt you just as much as it can help you. He had off yesterday and the time was not kind to him. Too many thoughts and too much down time to think about Bay. It's tough because usually its me who is bummed and crying about this and he is pepping me up -- so I am trying but fighting a losing battle. Things have been off again in the house since Friday and Bay's ashes came home. Since very raw with both of us. Just a little flick either way and the flood comes.

I have managed to make it through today and yesterday -- but wonder when I will completly break down. it can't be far off, it's getting harder and harder to maintain me. The impending doom with Onyx has been lingering on my mind so long, and then the stuff with Bailey and now Onyx is front and foremost. Live each day to the fullest and don't wish away each day. Strange -- that is all I have been doing for a while now -- still stings like a bitch. As I sit here -- the tears roll so easily down my eyes and it takes me a minute to realize I am crying again. I just want it to stop (notice I did not say wish).